


After Dark

by nagivto



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2, Super Dangan Ronpa 2.5
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-11-06 05:13:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17933516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nagivto/pseuds/nagivto
Summary: After too much to drink Nagito shows up with too many emotions for Hajime to deal with.





	After Dark

**Author's Note:**

> TW // This slightly hints about abuse and mentions suicide! also um sorry this is so bad yikes
> 
> also!! i was listening to after dark by mr kitty while writing this so for full experience i would listen to that while reading

A knock on the door stops me in my tracks. I glance at the clock to the right, it’s 1 am for christ sake, why would anyone be here? I shuffle to the door slowly, opening it to a not-so-welcoming face.  
“Hey, Hajime.” The man holds up his hand to greet me, his voice is soft. “Do you mind if I come in?”  
Not knowing how to react, I shake my head and let him come into my apartment. He slides off his shoes and leaves them on the mat near the door. Then, without saying a word, he heads over to the couch.  
I’m filled with utter confusion. Why would he be here out of all places? We haven’t talked in years after what had happened. Is that why he’s here? Is he still upset or harboring some old pent up feelings? No, that can’t be it. He probably doesn’t even remember about it, just go sit next to him.  
“Could you shut off the lights?” He doesn’t look at me as he speaks, he just keeps looking out the window, past the terrace and at the city life below.  
“Is there any particular reason you want them off?” I say as my finger hovers over the switch.  
“Nope, just prefer them off.” he sighs, “I know, I don’t deserve to make any requests especially in your own home but-”  
“No, it’s fine.” I shut off the lights and sit down next to him on the couch.  
I don’t know how to ask him why he’s here. I don’t even know how to talk to him anymore. Everything feels so different, he feels so distant. There once was a time that I could talk to him for hours on end, without there ever being a pause. Nights where I could stay up, just listening to him go on about something that he loved. He would always end up putting himself down right after it, apologizing about how he went on for so long. I always had to reassure him that I liked hearing it, but most of the time it was no use. He still ended up apologizing every single time.  
“Do you know why I’m here?” His expression is blank I’m not sure how he wants me to respond.  
“No.” I look away from him and stare outside at the orange and yellow lights streaming through the window from the nightlife.  
“Things aren’t going too well. I’m sorry I’m coming to you about it. But I don’t know anyone else who can even stand seeing me, let alone hear me whine about shit.” His voice holds no expression to it, not even a slight hint of sadness. He’s talking as if he’s reading facts straight from a textbook.  
Again, I’m so lost about what I should say. It’s too late for me to think of some sort of comforting words, so I end up nodding slightly.  
“We were having fun. By we, I mean my boyfriend and I.” He pauses for a second, probably waiting for some sort of response from me, but I stay silent. “I’m not even sure if you knew about him.”  
“Considering that I haven’t talked to you in a while, no I did not know about him.”  
I see him look in the opposite direction for a second. Did that sound too harsh? I’m not sure if he’s gotten more sensitive than he was when I knew him. Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned the time thing.  
“Well, yeah. We were out, and we were having fun! Until he kept trying to offer me drinks and I said I didn’t want them. He was saying it’s our anniversary and that I should be able to have fun and let loose. He acted as if I’m used to drinking so much. He knows that I’m easily manipulated when it comes to wanting to make him happy, so he kept pushing me to drink. It got to the point that when he would turn around I’d have the bartender quickly dump mine out. I know this doesn’t seem like a big deal, it’s just drinking, but I could feel something bad would happen. I knew that my luck would act out if I kept testing it like that with him. I don’t mean to spill all of this out to you, but he wasn’t exactly... the most loving boyfriend.” He bites his lip as if he’s trying to keep in any further detail.  
I have a guess to what he means, and I don’t want to push him to say anything more, so I just gave him another small nod.  
“So once we got home things... got out of control. I just didn’t know what to do anymore. I felt like I was trapped in a never-ending cycle of tests of my own hope that the relationship would suddenly become as charming as it once was. I didn’t want to have to have any negative thoughts about him, I didn’t want to admit anything about the relationship that wasn’t hopeful. But I finally left. I told him I was leaving. When I turned to go he…” His voice breaks off.  
I turn my head towards him seeing thick tears filling his eyes. My mouth falls open, desperately trying to grasp at something to say to steady him, but my brain is blank.  
He takes the end of his sleeve, pulls it over his hand, and wipes at his tears. “He threw a bottle at me, telling me that he was my only hope. He said that I have no one, and I will never have anyone in my life because I’m just a burden to everyone and everything. When I looked back at him, he told me he wished he could see the moment the life fades from my eyes. ‘I hope you run out and find a bridge somewhere and throw yourself off!’ That’s what he said to me.” He laughs a bit before adding, “Thinking about it, he is right. Maybe I should’ve done that instead of showing up here.”  
I feel my heart sink to my stomach. He’s worse than when I knew him. He’s more distraught and lost than ever. Maybe it’s because he’s drunk and emotional, but last I knew him, he was getting better. He still said negative things but he never once agreed that he deserved to end his own life.  
His tears seem to fall out even faster now, he doesn’t even bother to wipe them away anymore.  
“I’m absolutely hopeless, isn’t that right, Hajime?”  
I feel my throat tighten as I go to say something. Why can’t I speak? Am I really that worthless when he needs to hear something?  
As if on cue, rain begins to splash on the glass outside, breaking the slight silence with its quiet pitter patter slowly growing into a constant roar.  
Without warning, he falls into me, his head against my chest. I can feel his tears dripping onto my shirt. My body is paralyzed, as much as I want to hug him or say something to make it all stop I just can’t.  
“The real reason I came here is because I know what I want.” His voice is quiet and I can hear him struggling to seize his sobbing. “What I want is you.”  
His words wash over me, it’s as if someone dropped me into an ice cold bath. He wants me? What does he mean? Does he still have those kinds of feelings for me? It's been so long, there’s no way he could possibly feel anything towards me.  
“I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. You shouldn’t have to worry about someone like me liking you. It just slipped out, please don’t think about it too much. I’ll be leaving now.” He slowly moves up from the couch, acting as if his body is fragile and would collapse at any second.  
His feet leave the spot in front of the couch but before he can go too far I reach out and grab his wrist pulling him back to me. Without saying a word, I pull him the rest of the way down onto my lap, pressing my lips against his. It starts soft, as he kisses back, slowly growing stronger and harder. It builds up if my life depends on it, wanting more and more. I don’t know what’s going on with me but I do know one thing, I don’t want it to ever stop. His lips are soft, like the spread of snow in the winter. The passion between us burning deep like a brilliant fire. I shift him over, pinning him to the couch, our lips never breaking contact for a second. I feel his hands run under my shirt and into my hair. I didn’t know until this moment, I’ve been longing for someone’s touch for so long. I was waiting to be alone with someone. To get absolutely lost with them and think of nothing else except, their own presence on me.  
The buttons on my shirt slowly came undone making me pull away. I stand up feeling my cheeks flush a bright red.  
“You can sleep here for the night.” I don’t say anything else and walk over to the closet, pulling out a giant blanket, and tossing it at him. “Goodnight.”  
I feel his eyes on me as I go into my room, shutting the door, and leaning against it closing my eyes. Why did I do that? Why would I act without even thinking? What came over me? With absolute frustration rushing through my entire body, I toss off my jeans. I collapse onto my bed with just my unbuttoned shirt hanging loosely on my body and roll my head over to look out the window to see everything moving around. The city lights aren’t as brightly colored as they were just minutes ago. It’s as if they were only darker in the room where I was alone, but when I was with Komaeda, they had glowed brighter than I had ever remembered. I could see them splashing color on us, even when my eyes were closed. I shake my head, clearing the thoughts. Do not think about him. But how could I not?  
Slapping my face out of complete frustration, I feel hot tears falling from my eyes. The anger inside of me is practically bubbling at this point. Why? Why? Just why? Do I miss him? Everything we had built up together? Memories of hanging out with him, the countless hours of getting to know each other, saying things no one else would ever know are invading my thoughts. The one question I do not want to ask myself keeps trying to push its way above it all. As much as I don’t want to think about it, there’s no way I can’t. Do I like Nagito?  
No. There’s no way that’s possible, even in the slightest. At least that’s what I could tell myself.  
“You don’t like him! You don’t! You never will! It’s just you wanting to like someone. It’s not real emotions!” I keep yelling into my pillow and punching my bed, forcing the emotions out. I don’t want it. I’ve never wanted it. I don’t want to have that burden. I don’t want the burden of liking someone I know that needs so much attention that I can’t give them. Someone who knew more about me than anyone. I can’t deal with thinking about it. I can’t deal with the possibility of failing him so hard that I would be the one to blame. I can’t put him through more than he’s already been through.  
I feel my body slowly give in to sleep as everything begins to slowly fade out. 

* * *  
“You don’t like him! You don’t! You never will! It’s just you wanting to like someone. It’s not real emotions!” I can hear him clear as day in the other room. Even with the door shut, I can hear how much he knew that I’m not worth a damn.  
I don’t feel like sleeping, although I’m tired from crying, I just can’t. Staring at the rain hitting the window, watching the lights change as they went into different directions from the water. That’s what I’m going to do all night. The outside is crying for me since I can’t bring myself to do it anymore. I just feel cold, I feel empty. I don’t have anything left inside of me. I, Nagito Komaeda, am unlovable now and forever. 

* * *  
I shake the white-haired man awake.  
“It’s time for you to go.”  
He didn’t say anything as he sits up and trudges to the door sliding his feet into his shoes. Not even a single goodbye.  
As I watch the door shut the only thing I can think is, I will never see the man I love ever again.

**Author's Note:**

> shoutout to EZ for editing this love u bro
> 
> also follow me on twitter @/nagivto and instagram @/zuinel ;)


End file.
